Be All You Can Be?



I’m selling my paddleboard.

It’s a beaut! A tricolor bonanza of bright white, fuchsia and teal – so exuberantly bright it almost hurts to look at it. Sort of like staring directly into the sun. Side-eye is recommended.

I bought it a couple years back in a fit of girl power, I had been taking classes to help strengthen my core and using the spiffy “surf-set” boards. I was riding a bigly wave of empowerment and internally seeing myself in a soft focus vision typically of those seen in ads for snazzy surfwear. Oy. The last time I was actually fit enough to stand on a paddleboard long enough to stay dry and enjoy the ride, “cores” didn’t exist beyond nuke plants and apples. I work at my core now that I know it exists, I do Pilates, yoga, I’ll start tennis lessons soon and I hear all that running (and the possible subsequent dry heaving from heatstroke) will also strengthen my core! Yea me. But, while my core holds up my skeleton pretty admirably, it has it’s limitations. Surgeries, scoliosis, decades of cheffing – my core is doing the best it can with the tools it has to work with. There are limits to what I can get my core to do.

I’ll be 50 soon, that seems so crazy to contemplate! I mean, as a cancer survivor, I’m happy to reach the mid-century mark, but – 50. Wow. I thought I’d be MUCH more together at this point, you know? I would have at least learned how to french braid my hair! (that was a big deal when I was in High School, french braided hair with a Gunny Sak dress was the holy grail for girls who wrote poetry) I would know all the state capitals, speak a foreign language fluently (I got close while living in Germany, that almost counts!) I’d be able to start a freaking revolution if I wanted to!


My hair gets curlier and wilder with each passing year, crowds freak me out so no revolution and apparently glottis stops are the only fun function my vocal cords can manage, so German will remain the only foreign language I can speak. For those who don’t know – German is not one of the romance languages. I asked my friends on Facebook what they did when they turned 50, did they take up mountain climbing, start a charity, change careers….? Some said they started traveling to the places they’d always wanted to explore, but mostly it seems everyone is still trying to figure everything out in the same ways they always have. Apparently less than 1% of us ever got the hang of algebra, but loads more became loud, proud, self-proclaimed “grammar nazis” and find deep fulfillment in pointing out incorrect usage of “they’re, their, there”. (It IS annoying, what are schools teaching these whippersnappers?!) The only women I know personally who are leading a revolution or changing careers entirely at this age are, quite frankly, independently wealthy. Cushioned enough to pull the plug on their old life and go full Oprah! That’s not me, though I DO enjoy the stories from those who do those things, it’s inspiring! But, like my dreams of paddleboarding every day and wearing a kickass bikini while I did so, I realize that while I can do a LOT, it’s NOT true that I can do anything I put my mind to. That’s not to say I’m going to stop trying new things, taking chances, seeking adventures. I think I’ll just try to be less disappointed in myself when I discover that my goals won’t always become a reality. That it’s ok to fail or fall short. Participation doesn’t deserve a trophy (it doesn’t) but it definitely counts big time!

Share This:

Pineapple-Mint Slaw

  I bought a grill. Whoopee, right? Except, that’s JUST what it feels like! Before I moved to Florida I lived in TX (for entirely too many decades) and I had YUGE grills! The temperatures outside hovered close to “Hades with Humidity” for a good part of the year, so grilling usually consisted of racing… Continue Reading

Goin’ Commando

I’m back from a 5 day cruise (just me, my honey and 10 of our closest friends! And…ya know…3000 strangers) did you miss me? If not, no worries, I’m about to head out of the country again in a few, Belize and Honduras here I come! So, you’ll have a second chance. You’re welcome. I… Continue Reading

Valentines Day – Ugh

I woke up today (ridiculously early, WTH?!) and felt a bounty of negative feelings: Sad, melancholy, crabby, pouty, fat, lonely. One more and I can start my own band of vertically challenged independent miners. After a few minutes of wallowing I realized why I’m feeling six shades of shit. Tomorrow is Valentines Day. Yes, that… Continue Reading


Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how we define ourselves, and by extension, how we define those around us. It’s no secret that the recent presidential election felt particularly divisive and just snakebite MEAN a lot of the time. Not just the candidates and their paid yes-men, but I think we’ve all seen relationships… Continue Reading


Change is in the air. Lots of rain too – my paddle-board took a solo tour of my backyard recently during one particularly vociferous storm. I have a love-hate relationship with change, I get restless if I lack regular challenges in my professional life, I LOVE traveling (but hate flying) and virtually without fail, every… Continue Reading

Toasting with Ice Water

Toasting with Ice Water

This is my anniversary week. It’s been one month since I began tracking my daily calorie intake – what do you suppose is the appropriate gift for the one-month anniversary of ruthlessly cutting calories and (mostly) abstaining from alcohol? A glass of ice water and a doghair covered noisemaker from New Years, recently discovered behind… Continue Reading

Serving Niceville, Valparaiso, Destin, 

Shalimar, Fort Walton Beach, and

surrounding areas